Bavrok the Caveman is one of the most powerful beings in all of Totalawesomeland. He answers to no woman, and the only man whose call he is obligated to heed is The Total Immortal.

Bavrok the Caveman




Not yet








Caveman, peacekeeper, adventurer, warrior


Increasing in strength


Early LifeEdit

Bavrok's father was a mammoth, and his mother a whore. While it was unknown what the mammoth's seed would become, many were skeptical of Bavrok while he was in the womb. He was born three months early, climbing out of his mother with his bare hands.

His unnatural birth caused much speculation, but he quickly proved himself to be a warrior. At the age of three he was already the size of a grown man, and he grew only six inches throughout the rest of his life. When he was four years old he tracked down his father, and slew him with his only his right hand. He then used his pinky to skin the mammoth, fashioning the hide into a cloak and loincloth.

Bavrok returned to his village to find it in ruins and his mother dead. Upon investigation, he discovered his tribe had been bitchslapped to death. Bavrok vowed to find the Bitchslapper and bring him to justice.

"Mama got slapped like bitch. Bavrok mad. Bavrok find Bitchslapper and slap him like bitch!"
—Bavrok upon finding his mother's corpse

Bavrok spent the next year following the Bitchslapper's trail. The beast left much evidence behind it, most noticibly bitchslapped peasants. Finally he found the beast and bitchslapped it into oblivion. Shortly after this, Bavrok found an angelic warrior engaged in brutal combat with a giant t-rex. The beast's claw alone was taller than the caveman. The winged swordsman flew toward the dinosaurs neck, then, shortly before coming in striking range, swung his blade. A bright flash, then the tyrannosaurus's skull fell to the ground. The Total Immortal (for it was he) slowly fell to the ground, and looked to Bavrok. Bavrok fell to his knee, and quickly swore his fealty to him. Pleased, the Total Immortal rested the flat of his blade on the caveman's shoulder. It grew warm, then bitterly cold. Then Bavrok felt as if lightning had just struck him, but he dared not show weakness before such a powerful being. Then the Total Immortal spoke
"Rise, caveman. I know of your deeds and of your honor. For respecting me, I have bestowed on you total immunity to magick, sorcery, and any other foul mysticism."
—The Total Immortal
Bavrok was made an honorary member of the Court of Admins, and was further bestowed with even greater strength along with near-invulnerability. This made him stronger than most, but still nowhere near as powerful as he would become.

Strength Through WoundingEdit

Bavrok stumbled upon the spickledums through mere coincidence. They just happened to be on the way to where he was headed. That soon changed. After witnessing their annoying habits for a few long seconds, he tore a limb off of a nearby oak and proceeded to smash the spickledums until they were no more. This took him a full year, and he not once stopped to rest.

Only months later, Bavrok found a race of werejackals. He noticed as they scavenged his kills, thinking them to be cowards. After killing a mastodon, he waited within the empty stomach of the giant corpse until the werejackals believed he was gone. They approached the mastodon hungrily, and began to tear at its skin. Bavrok jumped out with a huge rib in hand, and slew them all.

The Total Immortal, having nothing better to do, watched Bavrok's genocide with great interest. He proceeded to lure a frost ogre to the caveman's location, so as to better assess Bavrok's skill. When Bavrok saw the ogre, immediately charged toward it, even though he carried no stick. The frost ogre lifted its axe and roared, and Bavrok smiled. The caveman dodged the initial swing of the axe, and launched himself toward the giant's ugly face, pulling back his fist. The frost ogre's eyes widened with fear as he tried to step back, but it was too late. Bavrok's punch made contact for a mere half of a second, then the ogre's head exploded. Bavrok laughed once, then picked up the axe, which was easily twice as tall as him.

"HA! Bavrok no like blade, but he make exception for big axe."

The Total Immortal, who had been gliding over the scene watching with keen interest, descended gracefully. Once again he was impressed by Bavrok's ferocity. In order to commend the caveman, the angelic commander supreme gave him the ability to store energy in weapons, so as to release it violently in battle. Bavrok quickly learned to take advantage of this ability frequently, and spent his spare time filling things with the energy of other creatures.

And so Bavrok became one of the most powerful things known to the universe, but he would gain one final skill before his ascension was completed. Bavrok would gain the ability to see through lies, trickery, and illusion, thus rendering him unstoppable. How he gained this is not important, just know that it was messy.


Once Bavrok was virtually unstoppable, the Total Immortal took him on an adventure to kill most of the dragons in the land. Bavrok learned that drinking their blood granted him extra strength and stamina, and proceeded to kill 20,000 dragons for this purpose. This is why the once proud race of dragons is nearly extinct.



Bavrok is very proud, although not very intelligent. He is honarable and usually just.

Abilities and TraitsEdit

  • Immune to magick, sorcery, and any other sort of mysticism.
  • Near-invulnerablility
  • Can see through any form of deception.
  • Capable of lifting a mountain.
  • Has a way with words
  • Can enter a state of bloodlust


  • Big Stick: Bavrok always wields the biggest stick he can find and uses it until it breaks.
  • Frossetkjønnslemlestelse: Huge ass axe that Bavrok took from the corpse of a frost ogre.


Friends and AlliesEdit

The Total Immortal


The Bitchslapper



"Big stick hit hard HAHAHA"
"You? Bitchslap Bavrok? HA! Bavrok bitchslap you!"
—Bavrok before bitchslapping the Bitchslapper



He may quite possibly be the mammothborn.

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